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Behind the Scenes and Highlight Reels

BY Yolandi Garden

I have a few photographer friends so their photographs often make it onto my Facebook timeline. I remember looking at a set of gorgeous family photographs, filled with envy that we will never have such lovely photographs. You see: The children in those photographs looked perfect, well behaved and compliant with the wishes of their parents and the photographer.


I know my children - No way would we manage such a feat!


Nonetheless, (because we are a few years behind on photographs and I am starting to feel guilty) I contacted the photographer. I was sure to check whether she understood the disaster that might come out of trying to photograph six people, particularly when those six people are us. With trepidation I booked a family shoot.


On the day of the shoot we pimped and preened for roughly two hours trying to get everyone clean and presentable. Tempers flared and nerves frayed – so by the time we got to the location we were all suitably grumpy and ready to go home.


I mentioned to the photographer how she should not expect an easy shoot, how my children are highly unlikely to follow her instructions and how we should just “do this” and leave it at that.  They would absolutely not be as perfect as the family whose photographs I had seen. To my surprise my photographer friend looked puzzled. She gently pulled me aside and confided in me how difficult that particular shoot had been. Those “perfect” children simply did not comply or follow directions. I was so relieved! (I am so sorry other family.)


My own children turned out to be pretty well behaved resulting in some really lovely photographs. This experience got me thinking though.


I have a habit of comparing my family (children, husband and myself) to other people; I do it particularly well on Facebook as I am sure many of you do too. It’s so easy! Facebook has become an instant source of information, creating a one-stop- venue for me to compare our imperfections with everyone else’s perfection.


Oh, I know about social comparison theory - it suggests that we compare ourselves with others in order to make accurate evaluations of ourselves. But stop the bus right there because while comparison may be a source of inspiration, it also has the potential of sending us into a self-doubting tail-spin.


Newsflash: Facebook gives us a momentary glimpse into other people’s lives. We are getting a glimpse, a snapshot of a moment in time. We see their representation of a positive moment (which is the bit people feel comfortable sharing). This snapshot does not give us insight into what their lives are like tomorrow, next week, yesterday, or even truly at that very moment. This glimpse may not even tell the true story of tantrums and misbehaving children, marital discord, betrayal or hurt feelings. As with those family photographs I mentioned - We see a positive picture presented to the world and as I came to realise – a not particularly accurate picture either.
 
If I were to compare my whole-day-every-day to that glimpse of perfection displayed on Facebook, I may as well compare an orchard to an apple seed. My comparison creates unrealistic expectations and unrealistic expectations create a whole lot of room for self doubt and a sense of failure. I remain amased at how often, while scrolling down my Facebook wall - this logic still eludes me!
 
I know that when I am around people I present my “best picture”, I am even conscious of presenting the “best picture” on Facebook myself.  What I am prone to forget is that GENERALLY everyone else is doing exactly the same!
 
The truth is that when I compare my whole life picture to the glimpse of perfection people show us on Facebook, I can never measure up because what I am comparing to is not a full picture.
 
So, Remember:

  • Just because we don’t see another side, doesn’t mean it is not there.
  • Just because I think it, doesn’t make it true.
  • Seeing is not always believing.

 
Disclaimer: My beautiful family is far from perfect although we do make a pretty picture.
 
Yolandi

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 July 07, 2015
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